I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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