If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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