Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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