Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
