i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I need a beard to bite.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
