There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
