Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
