i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Drunk walkin through police station. America
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize