I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
