The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
