Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
