Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
