Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
