i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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