I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I skipped work to stalk him.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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