A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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