Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize