no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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