you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize