I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
