How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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