He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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