i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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