I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
