Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
