Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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