I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
