dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
