you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
