'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
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mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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