I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
