I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Randomize
