i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
