You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
