You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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