he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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