watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
