Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
youre lurking in front of me
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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