i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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