We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
