Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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