everyone is single if you try hard enough
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
