She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
