You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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