I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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