I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
