Kareoke will never be a sober sport
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
