why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
