TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
