Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
