4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
