Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
