Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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