she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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