So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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