so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just want nice things and good sex
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
