Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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