he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My feet surprised me
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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