i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
