She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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