Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
