just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
