we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
