i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
