The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
