He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
